The world is a big place, and today is a huge time.
Today, everything is gigantic. Even small places like this.
Even small corners of small places.
Even small parts of small corners.
Even tiny people like you, from small parts of small corners.
Yes, even you are gigantic in your way today, in such a huge and modern time.
When youre tiny people, you have to look up at everything. Everything seems taller.
Sometimes you feel like nothing more than a camera on the floor of someones apartment.
Small things look huge.
Which, in turn, makes medium-sized things look small.
This is your friend Music Duck.
Music Duck is enormous.
Music Duck staggers a bit at your sudden, bold mention of the lemon.
The lemon? The source of sour? The lemon? The yellow lemon inside the fridge? The source of sour?
You quietly note that Music Duck is maybe drunk.
Listen me now. Listen to me. Youre tiny people. Even if you could somehow exit the room and cross the great wooden wilderness to reach the kitchen, youre going to have a hell of a time opening that fridge, let alone getting the lemon from
Music Duck trails off and zones out in silence.
Im Music Duck. But you can call me Music Duck. Im your music friend the duck.
Music Duck zones out in silence.
Youre on the floor and youre on your way. Its a huge day.
Its a toy monkey.
Obviously, it cant talk, but as tiny people with large imaginations, sometimes you like to pretend to make it talk.
Bed Thing? says the monkey. We all know who Bed Thing is. Its the thing of the Bed, down there, on the horizon, feet and feet away.
You take in the view. The monkey is right. You can see for feet and feet from here.
Down below, slumbering with sound pillars (not making sounds right now) next to its ears, is Bed Thing.
You are all scared of Bed Thing, the thing of the bed. You dont know if Bed Thing has ever woken up.
You hear distant joyful laughter.
Its getting closer.
A mysterious creature emerges.
Hahaha! it bellows. My friends! Im spasming because of my delight to see you. Did anyone ever mention something like this to you? Did I mention that I think you are looking strong? Hahaha! You caught me just as I left the underground fitness prison. So premium! Oh, my God. I remembered. Theres a special offer that I have to tell you about. Its a free trial membership to the prison I was just talking about. Hahaha! I am going to tell you about it now, and you have no choice but to listen.
And did you know that my body was wet winter drizzle before I joined the underground fitness prison I was just talking about a few minutes ago? The mind was feral but, oh, how the legs and hands were domestic and withered! Hahaha! However, now! Look at me. I am as big as Bed Thing, I can barely fit inside myself, and I have to look down at you from such a dizzying height. Its a curse and, even better, an unqualified blessing! Very good for me! Youve got to try it for free! Go to prison with me! Confess that you are tiny!
You took that guy up on his offer and joined prison. Well, in 365 years maybe you will be as big and feared as Bed Thing! Good luck!
Hahaha! Of course! I used to think the same thing. Then in prison, I damaged my arms into shreds so bad that they regrew in exotic new shapes and sizes. Now, Im as big as Bed Thing, and its possible for you too. Its time for you to join prison. It isnt even close.
You turn in unison and leave.
Well, Im depressed that you feel that way. Hahaha! you hear from behind you.
Its Music Ducks biggest guitar. An enormous guitar for an enormous duck.
Its the Ivory Flats, territory that Music Duck shares with Bed Thing.
You go across every single button in the Ivory Flats, but they dont make noise. The flats must be off.
Its Bed Thing. Bed Thing is enormous. In some ways, Bed Thing is even more enormous than Music Duck.
Next to Bed Things ears are the pillars that are supposed to make sound. But theyre not making sound.
Theres something in Bed Things hand.
From here you can see for feet and feet.
Some cables hang down to the bed.
You are on the bed. Somewhere deep beneath you, Bed Thing is breathing.
Its Bed Things hand. There is a button in it. Bed Things hand is blocking it. You cant press it.
You approach Bed Things head.
Its Bed Things head.
Its Bed Things ear.
Goal, you whisper into Bed Things ear. Bed Thing shouts in its sleep but does not wake up.
Penalty, you whisper into Bed Things ear. Bed Thing shouts in its sleep but does not wake up.
You breathe into Bed Things ear. Bed Thing frowns in its sleep but does not wake up.
You hum tonelessly into Bed Things ear. Bed Thing frowns in its sleep but does not wake up.
You shake the bed frame.
An exercise machine falls onto Bed Things head.
Bed Thing flinches in its sleep. Bed Thing is pressing the button.
Bed Thing unconsciously puts the exercise machine back in place and does not wake up.
The button is now on.
One by one, you zip-line up the wires to the Ivory Flats.
The very moment all of you stand on the buttons, a beautiful and awful noise blasts from the musical pillars next to Bed Things ears.
Look at Bed Thing go!
Its never done this before.
Its never cried out that loud.
Its never opened that door.
Its never staggered from the room swearing never to go back to bed again.
You look down. Theres a horse.
You climb down the guitar and approach the horse.
You climb down the guitar and approach the horse, says the horse.
You mount the horse, says the horse.
Forward, says the horse.
Look up, says the horse.
You do. Its a normal-sized flask.
Onward, says the horse.
Look at the humanoid pile of clothes on the couch, says the horse.
Yeah, you all agree. It almost looks like a person.
Go under the table, says the horse.
Get off the horse, says the horse.
You look up at the pile of clothes. It kinda looks like a person.
You are in the lap of the humanoid pile of clothes.
A video is playing on the computer.
You look into the face of the pile of clothes.
Im not really a person, says the pile of clothes. Im a t
Read more here: http://www.clickhole.com/features/news/