Could your sexual history stimulate or violate your relationship? Thats what a new( unscientific) survey conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor, an online pharmacy in the UK, proposes.
In the survey of more than 2,000 Europeans and Americans, 30 percent of the respondents said theyd be at least somewhat likely to end a relationship if they found out their development partners had too many previous sexual partners.
What the heck is too many?
On average, the women surveyed said theyd consider anyone who had slept with 15 or more partners as too promiscuous. Men set the limit at 14 partners.
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Plus, more than two thirds of the respondents said they thought that sexual histories should be discussed within the first four months of a relationship.
Clearly this all makes answering the sex number question a terrifying proposition if youre in the double digits.
Do you lie? Change the subject? Is true and hope for the best?
We didnt know either, this is why we asked two women with Ph.D.s.
Do you have to expose your sex number ?
Surprise! Both experts we polled give you granted permission to dodge the issues to entirely.
First of all, it could be too early to have such an intimate dialogue, mentions Leslie Bell, Ph.D ., a psychotherapist are stationed in Berkeley, California.
Say someone asks you about your sexual history on the third largest date, for example, and you dont seem comfy delving into the ex files yet. Thats reasonable, Bell mentions.
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Just tell your date: Id love to get to that point, but Id like to get to know you a little better before we talk about that.
Even down the road, though, theres really no reason you should have to disclose your number, mentions sex researcher Kristen Mark, Ph. D ., the director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the University of Kentucky,
Her reasoning: Whats the point of sharing that knowledge? That number of women you slept with in the past doesnt usually have anything to do with the relationship youre currently in( as long as you use protection and get tested for STIs ).
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So if you dont want to answer, tell: Appear, Im sorry Im not willing to share this information, but I dont see how its relevant to our relationship, mentions Mark.
If your spouse seems annoyed by that, dont get defensive. Just calmly asked her why she wants to know in the first place, Mark mentions. Try: How do you see this affecting our relationship?
Then you can have a more productive dialogue about what you both value in a relationship. Maybe shes actually more worried about fidelity, for example.
Most likely, what she craves most in a partner has nothing to do with the exact number of notches on your bedpost.
Is it OK to fib about your sex number ?
If you do decide to tell your spouse about your past, just be honest, Mark and Bell both advise.
Even if you dont imagine fibbing about it is a big deal, the truth will probably come to the surface eventually if you stay together, Bell mentions. And then youll be caught in a lie, which could hurt her trust in you.
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If youre are concerns that your number is going to seem high, prep a little speech in advance in case she creates her eyebrows.
Explain how you are going to that number and what those different periods in your life meant to you, mentions Bell. For instance, you might have guessed sleeping around in college was fun, but now youre ready to settle down.
Or maybe you still want to sleep with lots of different peoplein which instance, she deserves to know that about you anyway.
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Regardless, your exact number of sexual partners is just one detail in your history, Mark mentions. Its part of whom you, but obviously its not the whole story. If she lets it stimulate or violate your relationship, then maybe you and her werent compatible in the first place.
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