The Top 8 Breakfasts That Will Help You Get Skinny


We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day (fucking duh) and that goes double for those trying to lose three pounds. Honestly tho, eating breakfast jump starts your tired metabolism and gets things fucking going so that you have the energy to shop online do actual work—at least until 2pm. Plus, if you do eat breakfast, you’ll be less likely to inhale an entire pizza at lunch, and that’s super important.

But like, where to start? Is cereal okay? Is toast a carb? Don’t worry, betch, we’ve rounded up the top eight BEST breakfast items if you wanna lose that muffin top.

1. Eggs

If you wanna keep the love handles at bay, you’re gonna need to stock up on protein. Eggs pack a shit ton of it. Protein keeps you fuller for longer, so you’ll be less likely to go pillaging through your candy drawer later. According to Eating Well, “dieters who ate eggs for breakfast … lost more than twice as much weight as those who got the same amount of calories from a bagel for breakfast.” Color me fucking impressed.

2. Coffee

YAAAS! Coffee has caffeine, and caffeine speeds up your metabolism. So, if you want to jumpstart your day, you know that a nice steaming cup (or iced coffee) is def the way to go.

3. Peanut Butter

As with our great friend the egg, peanut butter (and nuts in general) promotes weight loss because of the tons of protein and slow-release carbs they carry. So, adding a tablespoon (measure it, it’s less than you think) of peanut butter to your oatmeal or topping a piece of toast with some Jiffy instead of butter is like, a great move.

4. Oatmeal

The scary Quaker man has been smirking at me menacingly for years from his perch in my pantry, and it turns out for good reason. This silver haired bitch is hawking some serious fiber, which will help you stay fuller past lunch time. Plus, eating a breakfast with those slooooow release carbs before you exercise (like running around on your lunch break) can actually result in you burning more fat. YAY.

5. Veggies

Although it feels a lil weird to eat a bowl of spinach and kale for breakfast, you should def consider it. Leafy greens like kale and spinach are great topped with an egg OR mixed into an omelet. The tons of fiber and protein will keep you full and give you a vitamin boost to help you feel healthy all day. Fun fact: The healthier your breakfast, the more incentive you have to not fuck up your day with a cupcake later.

6. Salmon

Okay, so if you’ve been topping your bagel with lox and cream cheese, you aren’t too far off the mark. We all know salmon is FULL of good-for-you omega-3s, protein, and healthy oils, so throwing it on a piece of whole wheat toast or in your omelet is a GREAT way to keep the weight away.

7. Raspberries

If you crave sweet shit in the morning, throw some raspberries on your oatmeal. Why? Cause those little red shits are full of fiber—eight grams worth in just one cup. For reference, that’s double the fiber of strawberries and the same as a big ol’ cup of beans. We all know fiber fills you up AND will help you poop, so win-win.

8. Avocado Toast

Yes, this trend is here to stay if you’re into not being fat. As with the salmon rule, avocado has lots of healthy fat and fiber and will help keep you full. Topping a piece of whole wheat toast with avocado, a drizzle of olive oil, and a lil red pepper will make you trendy and healthy … i.e. better than everyone else.  

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